You’ve experienced it. That creeping sense of fatigue when certain people speak. It’s not just what they say but how often they say it, and honestly, how little self-awareness accompanies the delivery. Some phrases become energy drains when repeated endlessly, leaving coworkers, friends, and family quietly exhausted.
Research is increasingly revealing which verbal patterns create this phenomenon. Here’s the thing: it’s not necessarily about malice. Most people have no clue they’re doing it. Yet the impact is real and measurable.
“Whatever”
The term is vague, non-committal, and often denotes a lack of interest or engagement in the conversation. When this word becomes a default response, it shuts down dialogue instantly. Think about it: you’re trying to work through a problem or discuss something meaningful, and you’re met with “whatever.”
The frustration isn’t imaginary. The use of this phrase can create a communication gap and may hinder effective dialogue. What makes it particularly draining is that it forces the other person to either give up or fight harder for engagement. Neither option feels good. Over time, people simply stop trying to connect, which erodes relationships at work and home.
“It Doesn’t Matter”
This phrase sounds neutral on the surface, yet it carries enormous weight. Using this phrase can be a way of avoiding conflict or expressing discontent indirectly, and more often than not, it’s used when the person actually does care about the topic at hand but lacks the confidence or skill to express their opinion. The problem? Everyone can sense the dishonesty.
Psychology suggests that this form of dismissal can be a defense mechanism, an attempt to avoid vulnerability or potential disagreement. When someone repeatedly says “it doesn’t matter,” it places the emotional burden on others to decode their true feelings. That’s exhausting work. People around them become amateur psychologists, constantly trying to figure out what’s really going on beneath the surface.
“I’m Fine”
Here’s where things get tricky. While this statement is typically used to express contentment or ease, in this context, it may be used as a shield. Men, in particular, have been culturally conditioned to suppress emotions. Many men are conditioned to suppress their emotions and avoid appearing vulnerable, and this conditioning can lead to a difficulty in expressing feelings, especially when they’re not positive.
The phrase becomes a wall. “I’m fine” is an easy way to divert the conversation away from their emotions, acting as a protective mechanism to avoid delving into emotional territory they’re not comfortable navigating. What makes this particularly draining is the double message it sends. Body language screams distress while words insist everything’s okay. Partners, friends, and colleagues are left playing a guessing game, never quite sure whether to push or back off.
“Let Me Explain This to You”
Almost every participant had experienced mansplaining in the previous year, and expected gender differences emerged among mansplaining perpetrators and targets. Mansplaining involves someone providing an unsolicited or unwelcome condescending or persistent explanation to someone that questions their knowledge or assumes a lack of knowledge. This phrase often precedes exactly that behavior.
A 2020 survey found that the average woman gets “mansplained” while on the job six times each week. That’s not a small number. Each of the mansplaining experiences were associated with lower organizational commitment and job satisfaction and higher turnover intentions, emotional exhaustion and psychological distress. The condescension embedded in repeatedly explaining things others already understand creates a hostile environment where expertise is dismissed and confidence erodes.
People tire of defending their competence. They grow weary of being interrupted mid-sentence to hear a less accurate version of what they just said. The constant need to reassert knowledge becomes emotionally depleting.
“That’s Just How I Am”
This one might be the most exhausting of all. It’s the ultimate conversation ender, the phrase that says personal growth is off the table. When someone repeatedly uses this to justify behavior that harms others, it signals unwillingness to change or even consider another perspective.
Research suggests 74.9% of employees have worked for an employer with a toxic workplace, and 53.7% have quit a job because of a negative work environment. Communication patterns matter enormously. Clear, transparent, and consistent communication is the most critical element for creating a positive work environment, with 81.4% of employees believing clear communication from leadership helps ensure a positive workplace.
When “that’s just how I am” becomes a shield against accountability, relationships suffer. As many as 43% of survey respondents have experienced burnout, stress, and fatigue due to workplace communication issues. Those around the person are left carrying the burden of adaptation while the speaker refuses self-reflection. It’s a one-sided arrangement that leaves everyone else emotionally spent.
